Candy - Mandy Moore

So we begin our story in the most cliché of suburban American streets, where the footpath is every bit as big as the average back yard and children happily swing from swings that do not belong to any single residence.  Just in case we didn’t already realise that this is where we wish we grew up, two flirty butterflies fly past.

We then zoom into the bedroom window of our “sweet” and “innocent” heroine Mandy, sporting the baddest bitch face you could imagine a sixteen year old blonde girl could conjure up.  Even her fish seems to be looking for any escape from the radiance of her stank face.  She proceeds to randomly switch outfits (all involving a string randomly wrapped around her arm, one involving everyone’s favourite 90’s icon – the discman!!!) and sing enthusiastically at what we can only presume is her bedroom wall.

Suddenly, she looks to her window and there stand four of her strategically less attractive friends, begging desperately for her to grace them with her presence.  Upon looking in the mirror and confirming that she is, in fact, the most attractive of her posse, our Mandy kindly obliges.

Taking the driver’s seat of her pretentious, yet adorable, bubble car, Mandy proceeds to drive her gang to the local diner for an enjoyable meal out.  Whilst placing her focus on posing more so than driving (including a stunning shot through her, again pretentious, sunroof), who should catch her eye but the local skater boy who, like all sixteen year olds, appears to have a healthy interest in motorised scooters.

Onto the diner, where the girls are served their robust and nutritious meal of a glass of water.  In walks skater boy and, on cue, Mandy briefly abandons her default vacant grimace in order to bite her lip coquettishly.  Clearly one glass of water doesn’t satiate the girls appetite, so another round hits the table and Mandy seizes her opportunity to sip on her straw flirtatiously.  Having caught skater boys attention, the girls indulge in dance moves that are akin to a mass seizure.

A quick exit sees the girls launching into a spontaneous choreographed routine, with two or three more athletic (and attractive) back-up dancer friends.  Skater boy, of course, takes a front row seat to enjoy the normalcy of six high school girls busting out some synchronised moves in front of their local eatery.  As we all did in the early 2000’s, Mandy takes the chance to break the fourth wall and talk to the camera directly about how love’s as sweet as candy.  She’ll be forever yours, love always – Mandy.  And just like that, she ditches her car and scores a ride with skooter boy (see what I did there?). 

 

Cut to her and her friends making a nuisance of themselves in the middle of a skate park where we can only hope that one of them accidentally cops a board to the face.  Sadly, we are left dissatisfied as no injuries are forthcoming and the fate of our Mandy and her beloved skater boy is left open to interpretation.